In Russia, beard grows you

Some beards defy classification.Some are merely difficult to define because of the limitations of technology and time. For example, this Russian gentleman has some spectacular mutton chops.

Or are they?

Do those amazing wings growing on each side of his chin connect to his hairline with sideburns? If so, then these are mutton chops. If they also connect to the mustache then they are a subset of mutton chops called friendly mutton chops.

But what if they don't connect to his hair in front of his ears? What if the upper part of the cheeks where sideburns would go is clean shaven? It's difficult to tell from this photograph. If so, it might be classified as a hollywoodian except for the chin being clean shaven.

And what if the beard is not actually connected to the mustache. I can't even begin to determine how to classify that. "Freestyle" seems to be the convention in the modern taxonomy.

And the entirety of this confusion comes from the photograph. Were this gentleman standing before me, it would be easy to tell where there was hair and where there was not. It may be a little more difficult to classify but at least we would have a starting point

So, for simplicity, I shall declare that there is, in fact, hair in front of the ears and the mustache is connected to the beard, therefore: friendly mutton chops.

Big Hairy Deal

Last week, I had the distinct pleasure of attending the first Steampunk World's Fair in Piscataway, New Jersey. Being steampunk, there were plenty of fine, Victorian beards on display. There were plenty of things that pass for beards in the Twenty-first Century as well. To separate the metal from the dross, there was held an Epic Bear and Moustache Competition.

It was my first experience with entering myself and my beard into such a thing and I am humbled that so many people had such a difficult time choosing between me and the man who ultimately won the grand prize through his astronomical skill at the sport of rochambeau. Truly, his moustache, which stood a full five inches out from his face and from which he had scurrilously cut an additional four inches before coming to the event, was fully worthy of all accolades.

Observe the competition.



There were only a half dozen or so to enter the competition but this should in no way diminish the very fine facial adornments that wereto be found elsewhere throughout the convention. Many beards and moustaches of all classes and vareties were to be seen in the halls of the hotel, though I will note a higher percentage of friendly mutton chops than perhaps any other style as it would seem that the chops are seen a century later as somewhat indicative of the period.

I wonder if there was ever any sort of statistical analysis made of the prevelance of particular styles of beards at the end of the 19th Century.

Next week, I attend the World Steam Expo, another opportunity to witness the revival of the nearly lost art of pogontrophy.

Super chops

Behold, all ye of thin and scraggly facial adornment! Base ruffians! Poseurs! Girly men! Despair, those who have not shaved for the week, exfoliated their chins and dared called the result mutton chops. These! These are the chops of a super hero!

Mr. George West

Though last week's gentleman was fine looking, the mutton chops worn by Mr. West of San Francisco seem better realized. I believe it has much to do with the consistent continuity across the entirety of the beard. A magnificent piece of work.

Friendly Mutton Chops

Friendly mutton chops are a chops and mustache combination, friendly because they meet in the middle. This Minnesotan might have settled with only a mustache and, with his clean good looks, would have turned many a lady's head. But he chose not only mutton chops but an exceptional set of mutton chops, ensuring that all heads will turn.

High flyin

I simply cannot let this photograph go unremarked upon even though it is not actually from the 19th Century. Herein, three fine gentlemen with absolutely spectacular beards are enjoying the spoils of victory in the World Beard and Mustache Championships. The original by dogseat, using the newfangled color-process photography, was modified by Mousewrites into the more vintage and gloriously black and white format you see here.

I am insanely jealous of these gentlemen. Though I am proud of my own beard, it pales to insignificance before their mastery of the art.

It is a great tragedy of the 20th and 21st Centuries that such magnificence has fallen out of fashion yet there is some small comfort that in some small corners of the population a fine tradition of stylish masculinity endures and through the aethertubes, endures for posterity.

Ambrose Burnside

It was for American Civil War General Ambrose Everett Burnside, that the term sideburns was derived. Originally, he word burnsides was coined to describe this style. The syllables were later reversed to give sideburns.

Of course, aficionados of facial adornment realize that this particular style of beard already had a name before the Americans came up with the term sideburns in honor of General Burnside. In England, the word mutton chops was first used in 1865 to describe a facial adornment that starts off narrow at the top in front of the ears and widen across the cheek and jawline to the corner of the mouth. When the mutton chops are connected across the face with a mustache, or perhaps described as a full beard with the chin clean shaven, they are called friendly mutton chops. General Burnside has a fine example of friendly mutton chops that became even more distinguished in his later years.

Irish Beard

While surely not the only reason to cultivate a beard, some men choose to grow a beard to conceal some deficiency or anomaly of the jawline. This gentleman, in sculpting his facial hair as he has, not only has a fine set of mutton chops but also accentuates his manly chin.